As usual, I start this by apologizing. I think about writing blog entries all the time, but, as my brother and I recently agreed, our family motto ought to be "I'll do it later" ... and so thinking is often as far as I get. Oops.
Also, just lately, as I have been increasingly consumed by responsibilities at work, I get home at night and feel like I might have enough energy - just - to make myself dinner, read for an hour, and then fall into bed. Sometimes I don't even get to the dinner part - I eat a bowl of cereal and call it done. I wonder if life will always be like this. On the whole, I think not - I am still getting used to being single again - but I do lose myself in the day-to-day scramble, like everyone else. Creativity is tough to mine in these conditions.
And so, in thinking what to post next, I thought, "What am I scared of?" Whatever the topic ends up being, it's not as if I have some giant readership - just family and friends, people who roll with the punches as I throw them. I try to write with your entertainment in mind, but this blog is also therapy for me, of a sort. And where else to admit what freaks me out? Yep, that's right - here, with all of you, and hang the consequences. You'll understand - you always do.
What Scares Erin (in no particular order):
1. Roller coasters. That breathless feeling you get on the drops? Frightens the pants off of me. My palms are sweating just writing about it.
2. The thought that I will not be able to quit smoking, ever. I am smoking right now, in fact. Cold turkey, gum, lozenges, cold laser therapy, stop-smoking pills, electronic cigarettes - I've tried it all. And here I am, still puffing. It's ludicrous and stupid and willfully blind.
3. Cockroaches and alligators. Both are scary and prehistoric, and I can't figure out why either of these horrifying creatures has not been wiped out by some evolutionary twist. What do we need either one for? Yech. One is always lurking behind baseboards and under toilets- waiting to surprise you and give you the willies, the other looks like a log, but can actually outrun you on flat land and chomp off your leg when it catches you. Urg.
4. Being forgotten. Whether it's being left out of a party invite or ignored by an absent spouse, what is more terrifying than believing you're not important enough to remember? We're all the stars of our own lives, but I worry, as time marches on, of losing all of the connections that came before. Who have I forgotten, and who has forgotten me?
5. My comfort in my current cat-lady state. I feel like I should be much more anxious to find a partner in life, but boy, is living alone with just the cats a relief'! If I start talking about increasing the cat-count, or begin to mess around with a lot of potted plants and take up knitting clothes for said cats, can someone please come over and make me go out? Thanks.
6. Driving long distances by myself. I am, despite what you may have heard, a VERY good driver, but hours on the road alone? Not freeing, not exciting, not at all. I always imagine scenarios that end with me and an exploded engine and a dead cell phone, on a dark and deserted stretch of highway. Even when I'm driving in daylight ... I know. Completely mental.
7. Speaking French. Yeah, this one's kinda obvious ... I know the words, I know the grammar, but put me in a situation where I need to chat with a native speaker, and the stage fright and shyness that plagued me as a child tie my tongue in knots! I end up talking about the weather, every time. Il fait beau will only take you so far when trying to make friends, believe me.
8. Having kids. Or NOT having kids. Well, both really. It's completely scary, either way.
9. Energy drinks, especially Red Bull. They make me feel like my head is going to start spinning around like in The Exorcist. I am pretty sure that no one needs QUITE that much energy. What is the attraction with these things? They taste like fluoride treatments at the dentist, and make your ears buzz. Ew.
10. Boa constrictors. This one's completely nuts - I will probably never see one in my life, other than at the zoo, but I used to have a recurring nightmare when I was a kid about a boa constrictor eating my grandpa whole. I have no idea what the hell that was about, but a fear of them has pursued me into adulthood. Well, we all have our idiosyncrasies.
Thanks for reading, folks. What scares the pants off of you? I must admit, there are a lot more things that frighten me ... but like when we were children, sometimes the naming of something gives it power, and I don't want to do that. So I name only what is listed above, and I defy the rest.
Also, just lately, as I have been increasingly consumed by responsibilities at work, I get home at night and feel like I might have enough energy - just - to make myself dinner, read for an hour, and then fall into bed. Sometimes I don't even get to the dinner part - I eat a bowl of cereal and call it done. I wonder if life will always be like this. On the whole, I think not - I am still getting used to being single again - but I do lose myself in the day-to-day scramble, like everyone else. Creativity is tough to mine in these conditions.
And so, in thinking what to post next, I thought, "What am I scared of?" Whatever the topic ends up being, it's not as if I have some giant readership - just family and friends, people who roll with the punches as I throw them. I try to write with your entertainment in mind, but this blog is also therapy for me, of a sort. And where else to admit what freaks me out? Yep, that's right - here, with all of you, and hang the consequences. You'll understand - you always do.
What Scares Erin (in no particular order):
1. Roller coasters. That breathless feeling you get on the drops? Frightens the pants off of me. My palms are sweating just writing about it.
2. The thought that I will not be able to quit smoking, ever. I am smoking right now, in fact. Cold turkey, gum, lozenges, cold laser therapy, stop-smoking pills, electronic cigarettes - I've tried it all. And here I am, still puffing. It's ludicrous and stupid and willfully blind.
3. Cockroaches and alligators. Both are scary and prehistoric, and I can't figure out why either of these horrifying creatures has not been wiped out by some evolutionary twist. What do we need either one for? Yech. One is always lurking behind baseboards and under toilets- waiting to surprise you and give you the willies, the other looks like a log, but can actually outrun you on flat land and chomp off your leg when it catches you. Urg.
4. Being forgotten. Whether it's being left out of a party invite or ignored by an absent spouse, what is more terrifying than believing you're not important enough to remember? We're all the stars of our own lives, but I worry, as time marches on, of losing all of the connections that came before. Who have I forgotten, and who has forgotten me?
5. My comfort in my current cat-lady state. I feel like I should be much more anxious to find a partner in life, but boy, is living alone with just the cats a relief'! If I start talking about increasing the cat-count, or begin to mess around with a lot of potted plants and take up knitting clothes for said cats, can someone please come over and make me go out? Thanks.
6. Driving long distances by myself. I am, despite what you may have heard, a VERY good driver, but hours on the road alone? Not freeing, not exciting, not at all. I always imagine scenarios that end with me and an exploded engine and a dead cell phone, on a dark and deserted stretch of highway. Even when I'm driving in daylight ... I know. Completely mental.
7. Speaking French. Yeah, this one's kinda obvious ... I know the words, I know the grammar, but put me in a situation where I need to chat with a native speaker, and the stage fright and shyness that plagued me as a child tie my tongue in knots! I end up talking about the weather, every time. Il fait beau will only take you so far when trying to make friends, believe me.
8. Having kids. Or NOT having kids. Well, both really. It's completely scary, either way.
9. Energy drinks, especially Red Bull. They make me feel like my head is going to start spinning around like in The Exorcist. I am pretty sure that no one needs QUITE that much energy. What is the attraction with these things? They taste like fluoride treatments at the dentist, and make your ears buzz. Ew.
10. Boa constrictors. This one's completely nuts - I will probably never see one in my life, other than at the zoo, but I used to have a recurring nightmare when I was a kid about a boa constrictor eating my grandpa whole. I have no idea what the hell that was about, but a fear of them has pursued me into adulthood. Well, we all have our idiosyncrasies.
Thanks for reading, folks. What scares the pants off of you? I must admit, there are a lot more things that frighten me ... but like when we were children, sometimes the naming of something gives it power, and I don't want to do that. So I name only what is listed above, and I defy the rest.
